You, the reference

God created an universe of quanta, physics says. It is said that the reason dominates the consequence in value, and the lower the level organisation is, the close it is to the final truth. In a perfect world we would dig this mine until we eventually obtain that one fundamental level of Creation and be happy proclaiming science being a complete knowledge. Yet, the more we learn, the more likely this search seems to be infinite in the purest meaning of the word. There just may happen not to be any principal base point and the onion of the matter structure nesting may propagate in both directions just indefinitely. In all this complexity I am frequently lost. Head carried away by the wild kaleidoscope of deep philosophy and just false thoughts, I helplessly slip down on my knees struggling to regain the assurance of being a human. Give me a hand and let me declare you the ultimate reference.

You can trace all your thoughts and actions back to biological origin. By sequential application of natural science of various level you can decompose but everything within your mind into a long chain of causal relations, unless you get unluckily trapped into the quantum paradoxes. Conscience, character, feeling — all forged in neural plexi as a complex reaction on stimuli. Every a your deed can probably be predicted, yet in all this behavioural noise I can sketch out your soul, an essence of yours, if you would, whether it exists as a separate entity or not. For if I am how can you not be per se? Cogito ergo sum and therefore you are as well by the same logic. Finally, I just want to lift all the view angle resolution away. I just want you to be my reference point.

All I ask you is to be. To be real. To be my world.

On Eyesight

It's a late night already as the light of your lamp pierces the darkness of the attic. Here I am, cowering in a corner, the easel left alone. You would approach me and hug, you sleepy and warm, with a cat resting on your shoulder. I am no weakling as a matter of fact, I have endured the incredible odds not even leaving a scratch on my resistant skin. Still, your loving touch is a cruical piece of my wellbeing's puzzle. It is what ignites me and grants power multiplied by infinity. And at the moment, I am in time of need, trembling with unrest, however still strong as a rock. I sense your sympathy as you glance into my eyes, all tired, red with blood and radiant with hysteria and craze. You pity me, but…

Your eyes are perfect. A pinnacle of sight development, they let no fine detail escape your attention. You see the world as it is supposed to be and no blur or delusion stirs your perception. Yet in all their splendor, they do lack. They trap you, binding the view to a narrow abstraction level, a grand mirage and only the tiny and subjective projection of the universe that's more commonly knowns as the real world. My optic, though not a bad one, is not even a close match to yours, however, exploiting its flaws allows me to break free of the reality prison. Impression, fantasy, dreams and hallucinations, I let them in and in a sense, I see them as realistically that sometimes I reach my hand to touch.

Alas, I cannot imbue you with the ways of my perception. You are told to be beautiful and you acknowledge this when looking in a mirror, matching your reflected image against the notion of good looks. What I mean by your beaty is far more deep than physical appearance. A symphony and a storm of colours, melodies and shapes mixed against the perception forms mankind have not invented words for, that's how I see you. What I am able to express is yet a particle of whole, but still it transcedes the photography by a great margin. I adapt my inner self to your rules and sight, essentialy bridging together the real and the spiritual. In my words, in my music, in my drawings you sense a surrealistic dream, a wounded mind's product, a glamorous nonsense. But in fact, I draw you in all your magnificence, and with time you shall realize that. That is the exactly revernce you seek in me and that is why we complement each other so nicely.

Feelings as orbital

I have an interesting concept I've been thinking about for a while recently. Due to recent events I have almost proven myself that Platonean approach purging any emotion for the sake of purity is very probably a wrong road. Since antiquity, both philosophies and religions were seeking to combine the feeling and the rationality in a golden ratio. I am a man of (cough!) science with some art heritage built in, therefore I was seeking the graphical analogy illustrating my own personal attitude towards the subject.

Let us first agree on the following assumptions. We do already know that most sentimental thoughts are based directly on the neurophysiology. Whether a divine spark or so called soul is there to guide as well is disputable and irrelevant here. We assume that an emotion is grounded on the complex chemical interactions. However, we note that we currently are not in the possession of the tools allowing us to capture the whole array of the processes within, so while not discarding the physical nature we can postulate that a feeling is a random variable, defined on some set of possible feeling modalities with parameters. Also we consider the observer effect while a person is trying to inspect their own feelings and the difficulty of tracing their development in time with reasonable accuracy. From this point we can define a probability distribution to which the feeling variable corresponds. To simplify the task, we will only deal with the static case and a good statistical amount of observations.

It is no wonder that an emotion is not uniformly random. Moral, ethics, beliefs, upbringing and reason all leave their trace on the distribution. It is not uncommon that one follows some sensual stereotype when some set feelings being an often event, while all others are rare, although existent. Now here my analogy comes into play, as in chemistry, we declare the subset on which the probability is the most dense (say, above some threshold) to be the something alike the electron orbital. I beg my pardon before the real physicists who may at this point object to me due to feelings being rather a model with hidden parameters. I remind that I do allow myself such liberty only for the sake of visual analogies.

When one discards the emotional and tries to direct the feeling with his bare mind, they plot a trajectory. Immediately, problems arise, namely the lack of practical insight on particular value transitions as well as the low entropy contributing to the state instability. It would be more wise, on the other hand, to rationally shape an orbital. That would keep the behaviour of senses within a given area statistically while not taking the natural freedom of emotions away and not leading to artificial alienation from what's considered baseline in humans to feel, which in turn produces a rigid stand under the feet, so to say, verified by centuries of time.

Dear reader, in case you detect I have reinvented the wheel here please inform me of similar ideas in other works. Also, objections are the most welcome.