Posts tagged with “socionics”
The Philatelist
Some time ago, I visited the house of my grandmother's sisters. It's a century old building with garden, right in the heart of Bila Tserkva city, a standing guardian of old times flanked with newly built modern wannabe-skyscrapers. It's ancient, it have been long falling victim to corrosion. Moreover, one would say, this hut has to be razed at once to give place for the new generation of housing, better ones in any reasonable respect. Yet, in my idealistic eyes, it stands as one beacon of romance, as a memorial to times which came to pass but bore the diversity of feelings which evaded my soul. Times and pictures I never passed through my perception for real, still ones I hunger to experience. This is just a same burst of emotion as when seeing an old castle: the lifeless rocks serve no real purpose anymore but a basis to build an imaginary panorama on.
I have yet so hear this from a professional psychologist, but naïve socionical tests give me a trio of psychotypes: schizoid, hysteroid and sensitive. In simple words, this means that I seek sharp images and impressions in life, but also have an ability to augment them to insane sizes and proportions inside my mind. Must admit, this is not untrue. This is why I have a deep love-hate relationship with vintage photos. Give me one and I will be trapped, sucking the impressions out of it and reconstructing the feelings an observer would have back then while realizing that world being long gone. In fact, any strong picture would do. An infant crowning his deceased bride in an attempt to restore her honour. Two young lovers crossing sights near the sea to declare their mutual feelings. A young emperor claiming the independence of a newly founded state from his own royal bloodline. Interestingly, I would not like to be in their shoes, it's just an overall image and associated feelings I admire. Werd' ich zum Augenblicke sagen: Verweile doch! du bist so schön!. This kind of relationship with reality. Guess I never associate myself with an actor, but much rather a scriptwriter or director. Sometimes I fail to instantiate myself as a living person but not an abstract third person observer. I have a picture on my phone reminding I'm a human. It's silly of me, but the thing works like a charm, effectively being a cold slap right into the mind carried away.
That said, this highlights a dangerous psychological trait in me I should be wary of. Whenever I am set ablaze by any an obsessive idea, what is it as a matter of fact? Is this something I may swear allegiance to or just a mantle I wish to try on for a delicious momentary emotion complex? So far, both options have been happening. Thus, importantly, when I will name her my life companion, it this a true willingness of making an long term bond, or is it just me, thinking a photo of us together would look neat?
12:45 | Comments | Tags: public, personal, self-analysis, relationship, socionics, psychology, rust, sorrow, imagination